Comics I Don’t Understand

Arlo Crime News

Cidu Bill on Mar 17th 2010

Man Assaults Officer With Penis; yes, alcohol was involved.

Filed in Arlo Page, Bill Bickel, Weird World of Crime, crime | 13 responses so far

13 Responses to “Arlo Crime News”

David N Mar 17th 2010 at 01:20 am 1

Of course, some men would love to go swingin’ around and have it called felony assault. For most, it’s a 3rd class misdemeanor.
The Bad Seed Mar 17th 2010 at 06:14 am 2

So many questions! Was the cop a dwarf, or did she respond to a complaint then sit down and have a cup of tea with them? If the person who was reported to the police stands up, why does the cop remain sitting and allow him to approach her? And I don’t wish anyone harm (and I blame the early hour for this comment), but wouldn’t it have been asolutely hilarious if she’d sustained injuries that needed to be treated at a hospital?
chuckers Mar 17th 2010 at 06:57 am 3

Allright, let’s just get some of these comments out of the way.

“I am sure he will be facing a stiff penalty for this.”

“Let’s hope he doesn’t get sent to some penal colony for his crimes.”

“What statute of the penal code does this fall under?”

“If he keeps this up, justice won’t be the only thing blind.”
Nicole Mar 17th 2010 at 08:01 am 4

Did you see that he was fined instead of doing hard time (you missed that one Chuckers … heh heh)

What I want to know is what positions they were in. He was accused of hitting her in the head … if they were standing next to each other … weel that would be a rather lengthy member now wouldn’t it.
Pirk Mar 17th 2010 at 10:31 am 5

My theory is that he stood on his couch
Matthew Mar 17th 2010 at 12:04 pm 6

He got arrested? That method has always worked for me! Perhaps he should switch to boxers.
John Small Berries Mar 17th 2010 at 12:21 pm 7

That article reminds me of the old joke about the frat boy who wanted to embarrass the sorority girl at a party, so he snuck up behind the chair she was sitting in, pulled out his tool and laid it on her shoulder.

No reaction.

After a while, since people were starting to laugh at him instead of her, he said, “Hey, what’s that on your shoulder?”

She looked at it, then replied, “It looks like a man’s penis, only smaller.”
buzz Mar 17th 2010 at 02:55 pm 8

They’ll never get it to stand up in court.
Matthew Mar 17th 2010 at 03:09 pm 9

You never know, Buzz. Some evidence has standing in the oddest places & at the oddest times. I suspect that the writ of habeas corpus will be no problem.
skeltometer Mar 17th 2010 at 03:35 pm 10

Glad to see that he has stopped binge drinking as a result of this valuable life lesson. Here in the US, they’d have buried him under the jail and stigmatized him as a sex offender.
Ooten Aboot Mar 18th 2010 at 06:25 am 11

The actual headline was more accurate than the link text on this page. The officer, presumably, did not have a penis. Oh, the curse of literalism!
John in Tronna Mar 18th 2010 at 07:11 am 12

@Ooten Aboot:

At least it wasn’t written “Man Assaults Female Officer With Penis”.

I don’t think he planned that assault, he just thought of it on the fly.
Tim Mar 18th 2010 at 09:37 am 13

@John Small Berries,
That was mentioned in greater detail in Spider Robinson’s “Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon” series, and the author said it actually happened to a friend of his.