Comments on: Sunday Funnies: LOL-March 7

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 07:23:36 +0000

The Ventriloquist, a Batman villain, who is bossed around by his dummy does the “G” for “B” thing– always calls him “Gatman”…

By: Judge Mental

Judge Mental — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 15:17:43 +0000

@Furrykef #11. At first I was shocked that somebody not only had the same “learn to be a ventriloquist” phonograph record that I did as a kid, but actually remembered that phrase. Then, I googled it, and found out that the “doy/dasketdall” phrase was much more predominately remembered as a phrase in “Doug” (nearly 25 years after I first remember ed hearing it). Its my suspicion that Jim Jinkins actually had the same record as a kid, and thats where *he* came up with it.

By: Jeff S.

Jeff S. — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:00:59 +0000

Dave, a greataxe does 2d6 (…according to some interweb comments. It’s been way too long since I’ve played).

By: mkilby

mkilby — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 10:36:48 +0000

@ Lihtox (13) - heavy plate armor was normally intended for riding, not walking, and thus typically had an “open flap” design, or possibly a codpiece that could be raised (avoiding the necessity of taking a leak into and rusting the armor).

By: Tullia

Tullia — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:54:26 +0000

@Lihtox: It is REALLY easy to get into a D&D player’s pants.

But seriously … Wikipedia unofficially confirms what I remembered, which is that in older D&D versions a round is a minute. Which is still not enough time to get into plate-mail pants, I grant you, but it’s closer. New versions, it’s six seconds.

Second, if your whole suit of plate mail was hot, I don’t think you need the command word to get his man-parts scorched. Indeed, trying to get his plate off might help cool him off down there. (What do you wear under plate mail, anyway? Linen? Something that breathes?)

Third, I only had two real DMs and a couple of stand-ins, but none of them but one paid much attention to time issues. The one who did only did so if there was some pressing reason, like coordinating psionic attacks with the rest of the group or coordinating mass casts of spells by different party members. By and large, they treated a round as “one action,” especially when that action was funny, like this.

By: Lihtox

Lihtox — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 04:28:14 +0000

@Robert: But wait, he’s wearing plate mail, and isn’t a round 10 seconds or so? How the heck does he get into his pants in a single round, let alone do any damage?

By: Robert

Robert — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 21:20:06 +0000

The third one brought up an old D&D memory, from when I was DMing. The party was fighting a mixed group of baddies, including a fighter in full platemail with mail gauntlets. So, of course, he got ‘heat metal’ cast on his armor.
Next round, another player cast Command Word on him. This is a one word imperative command, like Flee or Sleep, that only lasts a round, but can be helpful to immobilize or incapacitate the opponent so a fighter-type can attack. Except it was Comman Word: Masturbate.

With mail guantlets heating up. Someone uttered the phrase ‘griddle marks’ and play had to be halted until everyone stopped flinching.

By: furrykef

furrykef — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 18:58:15 +0000

Da doy daught da dasketdall.

By: AMC

AMC — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 17:01:17 +0000

Um. Not to be a dork, but in ventriloquism, the substitute letter for “b” is “d” - not “g”.

Accordingly, the sign should say “Dottles of Deer”.

By: Kevin A

Kevin A — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 16:49:40 +0000

While I’d like it to be a spinner choice (’cause I haven’t heard that in over a decade), I think he wanted the smallest one because she’s the only one whom he didn’t just witness splitting open.