Comics I Don’t Understand

Sunday Funnies: LOL-March 7

Cidu Bill on Mar 7th 2010

Nicole:

Filed in Bill Bickel, Bizarro, Cyanide and Happiness, Dan Piraro, comic strips, comics, comics that made us laugh out loud, humor, lol, xkcd | 18 responses so far

18 Responses to “Sunday Funnies: LOL-March 7”

John Small Berries Mar 7th 2010 at 01:51 am 1

“Gottles of Geer”? Obviously Tuesdays are amateur ventriloquist nights…

The other two made me laugh, though.
Dave Van Domelen Mar 7th 2010 at 02:58 am 2

For the real geek test, what weapons could the player have been trying to use on the castle guard?
Tullia Mar 7th 2010 at 03:35 am 3

Yeah, I was wondering what damage table the DM was looking at. I haven’t kept up with D&D revisions, so I don’t know if you can do damage these days by touching something with magical gauntlets or something. Of course, if you’re a priest or paladin fondling an undead or demon, it would naturally do damage … or maybe that’s some truly inept fondling going on there. (”Whaddaya mean the Shocker isn’t a electricity-based attack?!?”)
Igelino Mar 7th 2010 at 06:01 am 4

I think the gamers were rolling 2d6, and got a 6 and a “fondle”. What else did the die say? Tickle? Stroke? Hmm.

The prostitute one is naughty. He took dibs on the little girl.
David A. Rooney Mar 7th 2010 at 08:19 am 5

Igelino - I certainly hope that it was meant to be a dwarf or midget, otherwise this gets into pediphilia . . . superewwwww.
David A. Rooney Mar 7th 2010 at 08:25 am 6

Nicole - I should think they guy would be happy to roll “5 breasts”, after all, the more the merrier.
Elaine Mar 7th 2010 at 11:17 am 7

Not “little girl” - she’s a russian nesting doll (you open one and there’s another one and so on)
Morris Keesan Mar 7th 2010 at 11:27 am 8

Yes, Elaine, but he wanted dibs on the smallest one, and nesting dolls don’t nest ad infinitum. I read this as the smallest one being the smallest one, and I agree with David A. Rooney on calling this one an eeewww.

The hover-text on the xkcd sex-dice comic is “You roll for initiative, and … [roll] … wow, do you ever take it.”
which added to the LOL effect for me.
Kevin A Mar 7th 2010 at 11:49 am 9

While I’d like it to be a spinner choice (’cause I haven’t heard that in over a decade), I think he wanted the smallest one because she’s the only one whom he didn’t just witness splitting open.
AMC Mar 7th 2010 at 12:01 pm 10

Um. Not to be a dork, but in ventriloquism, the substitute letter for “b” is “d” - not “g”.

Accordingly, the sign should say “Dottles of Deer”.
furrykef Mar 7th 2010 at 01:58 pm 11

Da doy daught da dasketdall.
Robert Mar 7th 2010 at 04:20 pm 12

The third one brought up an old D&D memory, from when I was DMing. The party was fighting a mixed group of baddies, including a fighter in full platemail with mail gauntlets. So, of course, he got ‘heat metal’ cast on his armor.
Next round, another player cast Command Word on him. This is a one word imperative command, like Flee or Sleep, that only lasts a round, but can be helpful to immobilize or incapacitate the opponent so a fighter-type can attack. Except it was Comman Word: Masturbate.

With mail guantlets heating up. Someone uttered the phrase ‘griddle marks’ and play had to be halted until everyone stopped flinching.
Lihtox Mar 7th 2010 at 11:28 pm 13

@Robert: But wait, he’s wearing plate mail, and isn’t a round 10 seconds or so? How the heck does he get into his pants in a single round, let alone do any damage?
Tullia Mar 8th 2010 at 12:54 am 14

@Lihtox: It is REALLY easy to get into a D&D player’s pants.

But seriously … Wikipedia unofficially confirms what I remembered, which is that in older D&D versions a round is a minute. Which is still not enough time to get into plate-mail pants, I grant you, but it’s closer. New versions, it’s six seconds.

Second, if your whole suit of plate mail was hot, I don’t think you need the command word to get his man-parts scorched. Indeed, trying to get his plate off might help cool him off down there. (What do you wear under plate mail, anyway? Linen? Something that breathes?)

Third, I only had two real DMs and a couple of stand-ins, but none of them but one paid much attention to time issues. The one who did only did so if there was some pressing reason, like coordinating psionic attacks with the rest of the group or coordinating mass casts of spells by different party members. By and large, they treated a round as “one action,” especially when that action was funny, like this.
mkilby Mar 8th 2010 at 05:36 am 15

@ Lihtox (13) - heavy plate armor was normally intended for riding, not walking, and thus typically had an “open flap” design, or possibly a codpiece that could be raised (avoiding the necessity of taking a leak into and rusting the armor).
Jeff S. Mar 8th 2010 at 09:00 am 16

Dave, a greataxe does 2d6 (…according to some interweb comments. It’s been way too long since I’ve played).
Judge Mental Mar 8th 2010 at 10:17 am 17

@Furrykef #11. At first I was shocked that somebody not only had the same “learn to be a ventriloquist” phonograph record that I did as a kid, but actually remembered that phrase. Then, I googled it, and found out that the “doy/dasketdall” phrase was much more predominately remembered as a phrase in “Doug” (nearly 25 years after I first remember ed hearing it). Its my suspicion that Jim Jinkins actually had the same record as a kid, and thats where *he* came up with it.
Lisa Mar 11th 2010 at 02:23 am 18

The Ventriloquist, a Batman villain, who is bossed around by his dummy does the “G” for “B” thing– always calls him “Gatman”…