Stupidest F****** Bird in the World
Cidu Bill on Mar 30th 2009
Maybe some birdophile can offer a suggestion here…
There’s this cardinal who for just over 11 hours on Saturday flew into the bay window in my living room. Continually. For over 11 hours. No exaggeration. Stuns himself, gets up, says “d’oooh,” and flies into the window again. Hundreds of times.
Sunday, same thing.
This morning he’s back at it.
There’s nothing inside the room that can possibly be attracting him. A couple of people suggested taping silhouettes of raptors in the windows. They might as well be targets. I stand next to the window like a human scarecrow, waving my arms. He ignores me.
Eventually, I’m going to have a dead bird in front of my house. I’d rather this not happen, despite the fact that he’s permanently scratched up an expensive window and this would clearly be Natural Selection at work — but I really have no idea how to cure this bird of his obsession with my window and send him off to get on with his life.
Any thoughts?
Filed in Bill Bickel, birds | 32 responses so far
Dawn Mar 30th 2009 at 08:30 am 1
Cardinals are pretty territorial. He probably sees his own reflection and thinks it’s a competitor. It’s mating season so they’re even more aggressive this time of year. Although I think their mating season lasts for several months. You’ll have to try reducing the amount of reflection on your window.
Rupert Mar 30th 2009 at 08:54 am 2
You have to eliminate the reflection. Try covering the outside of the window with paper for a week or so. It has worked for me with robins in the past. I use wrapping paper.
Nicole Mar 30th 2009 at 09:01 am 3
As and ex-volunteer for the Bronx Zoo, I can tell you that both Dawn and Rupert are correct.
You cardnal is either seeing his reflection .. of the reflection of the sky. In either case, covering the window with papare for a week or so should do the trick.
Also as season progresses and the sun changes it position, the reflection might become less of an issue.
Mitch4 Mar 30th 2009 at 09:23 am 4
I was the shadow of the waxwing slain
By the false azure in the windowpane
I was the smudge of ashen fluff
But I lived on, flew on, in the reflected sky
Elyrest Mar 30th 2009 at 11:10 am 5
I can’t help you, but I do sympathize greatly. We have huge windows all on one side of our house and our side yard is full of all sorts of plants with berries. During the summer and early fall as the berries ripen and ferment the birds eat these berries and then fly kamikaze style into our windows. The loud bangs that go on throughout the day often make me feel as if I’m being attacked. I feel sorry for the poor addlepated birds too.
Dave Van Domelen Mar 30th 2009 at 11:20 am 6
Wait for him to stun himself. Put bird in box. Drive a goodly distance away. Release bird.
Sarah Mar 30th 2009 at 11:56 am 7
Get a cat.
guy Mar 30th 2009 at 12:13 pm 8
Maybe he knows the answer to the chicken and egg cartoon and just wants to come in and explain.
Rusty Mar 30th 2009 at 12:26 pm 9
Take away his Clamato, problem solved.
furrykef Mar 30th 2009 at 12:28 pm 10
Sarah, if he got a cat, then he would actually understand cat comics. We can’t have that.
patty leidy Mar 30th 2009 at 01:27 pm 11
yah..it’s the reflection thing…we had that happen too..until we pulled the blinds…
open the window..let the stupid bastid fly into the house..hit a wall….put him in a box then drive him over to a neighbor that you dislikes house and release him there..
Cidu Bill Mar 30th 2009 at 02:44 pm 12
Sarah, the problem with getting a cat is that I prefer the bird to leave here alive.
Thanks, everybody, for your suggestions. What continues to puzzle me is that if he thinks he’s going after another bird… You’d think that after 20+ hours he’d say Okay, the other bird’s not going away, time to give up already. The irony is, he’s trying to protect his territory, and meanwhile there’s this lady cardinal in the nest, wearing her sexiest negligee, waiting to get all Arlo-and-Janis with him, and he’s out banging his head against a window.
Elyrest Mar 30th 2009 at 02:53 pm 13
Bill - the term “bird brained” didn’t come out of thin air.
Keera Mar 30th 2009 at 03:19 pm 14
Bill, thing is, he chases the bird every day, several times a day, and that bird doesn’t have the sense to go away, so of course he has to keep going back. To tack up some paper already and tell us how it works out with the negligeed female.
I have to laugh at a lot of the comments, especially Patty’s about bugging a neighbor you don’t like with a concussed bird.
Cidu Bill Mar 30th 2009 at 03:27 pm 15
I’m thinking that after slamming his head into the window the first few dozen times, he’s developed the long-term memory of a goldfish and no longer realizes he’s done this hundreds of times already to no avail. “Hey, there’s another bird there!” Thud. “Hey, there’s another bird there!” Thud…
RobynS8971 Mar 30th 2009 at 03:41 pm 16
We had a bird do that, freaked my sister out (and she was an adult at the time), ended wheh we put my father’s formal portrait in the window, the pensive one they took for the in-house publication to announce some achievement of his. We always called it his Oscar Wilde pose.
Charlene Mar 30th 2009 at 03:53 pm 17
“…meanwhile there’s this lady cardinal in the nest, wearing her sexiest negligee, waiting to get all Arlo-and-Janis with him, and he’s out banging his head against a window.”
Sounds like your typical Saturday night in Winnipeg to me.
Cidu Bill Mar 30th 2009 at 04:19 pm 18
As of late afternon, the bird seems to be gone: Either he’s given up or he’s pining for the fjords. Given the amount of dense shrubbery in front of our house, I’ll probably never know.
Cidu Bill Mar 30th 2009 at 06:45 pm 19
Okay, he’s back. Either he took a long lunch or he ducked out for a nooner, where he fertilized the egg that will one day hatch Cletus the Slack-Jawed Cardinal.
june Mar 30th 2009 at 09:38 pm 20
He’s trying to get to St. Louis before the season begins.
Cidu Bill Mar 30th 2009 at 09:55 pm 21
What’s wrong with just staying here and being one of the New Jersey Cardinals?
Mario Mar 30th 2009 at 11:35 pm 22
Why would he give up? He’s clearly very successful. He has knocked out dozens of cardinals by now. There’s another one!
Cidu Bill Mar 30th 2009 at 11:40 pm 23
And of course this brings up the old joke: Each time he hits the windows, does he see little people spinning around his head?
David N Mar 31st 2009 at 12:46 am 24
Probably the only cardinal in the world that would sound like Rocky, if he could talk. Is there white smoke coming out of your chimney? Maybe he thinks he’s missing a vote?
You should call this little section BIDU.
Sheila Mar 31st 2009 at 02:13 am 25
Dawn at the top is correct. Cardinals are pretty territorial. He probably sees his own reflection and thinks it’s a competitor.
I had my own experience with a cardinal who sat outside my computer window, and constantly attacked the window. Eventually my cat started sitting in the window, and he gave up.
scott Mar 31st 2009 at 03:45 am 26
You can’t let some bird think he’s big man on campus. Open the window, and take him on.
Chuck Mar 31st 2009 at 04:20 am 27
He’s setting you up for a knock knock joke. Try saying “who’s there?”
James Mar 31st 2009 at 11:25 am 28
As you walk by the Supreme Court building in Phoenix, Arizona, you can see the many “ghost prints” left by pigeons who thought the mirror-like windows were just a continuation of the clear blue sky. With as many impact marks as there are, its surprising there aren’t more pigeon carcasses littering the ground around the court. But then, they’re probably just scavenged by the lawyers.
Araxie Mar 31st 2009 at 05:34 pm 29
They’re just attacking themsevles. I think most birds don’t recognize themelves in a mirror (some parrots may, though). We have a robin that did that for a long time. I don’t know why he wouldn’t give up after nearly half a day, though.
rick Apr 2nd 2009 at 08:36 am 30
He’s obviously distraught over the results of the last Super Bowl
Mitch4 Apr 2nd 2009 at 04:52 pm 31
http://www.margaretsoltan.com/?p=4565 has some related experience and copies some advice. (Also references the John Shade lines I misquoted earlier.)
Matthew Apr 5th 2009 at 02:17 am 32
These were great comments, all. Thanks for the laughs.
Bill, an update: Has he ceased? deceased? did you use paper?
Mitch, you got the first line right. Congrats. Is the cardinal actually a re-incarnated King Charles?